He knew….He knew and yet I questioned. I questioned his choice, his wisdom in planning out this place. I coveted …I coveted large spaces with full sun. Not this tree filled corner lot. Not….my forest. One of my dear friends is blessed to buy the home of her dreams, with a large double lot full of long warm hours in the sun. Last year, I planted numerous vegetables which provided a meager harvest. Our deck was transformed into a tomato jungle of 5 gallon bucket plants growing everywhere.
Still, with visions in my head of the garden we had in the country growing up, disappointment filled my heart. Why? Why were we given a yard filled with trees?
Why couldn’t you plan for us a yard full of long hours of basking in the warm sun? A yard that would cause any plant to thrive and produce like a Mother Earth newsletter dream garden.
Label it what you want, coveting, dissatisfaction, or discontentment. It’s a lack of trust, of joy, of peace. It’s a lack of …..Jesus.
Growing up in the country grew within me a love for open spaces, large gardens, and quiet places. When we first moved out there, we lived on a gravel country road away from the city. We protested the construction of a tar road feeling like it was a step away from our quiet country life. Moving into the city when I got married was the end of 16 years of quiet living. The Lord knew my aversion to loud places, to traffic jams, to suburban dwelling, to houses cut like cookie cutters, and to small crowded spaces.
So He gave me a nice double lot filled with 13 trees (well, it was 14 until the ice storm took one down last spring), in an old neighborhood. He gave me an oasis, a quiet spot in the middle of the city.
My husband and I enjoy resting in the gazebo in the middle of the privacy fenced in flower garden during a rain storm, listening to the pitter-patter of rain drops and smelling the fresh rain cleansed air.
Yet, I covet. I long for open sun filled garden growing space, yet reject it whenever anyone suggests we cut down one of our precious trees. One day the Lord pointed out my lack of trust in His plan.
My heart was filled with ungratefulness in his doing and wishing he had given us something ‘better’…also known as something I picked out. 🙂
Then I realized that ……..He knew. He knew that I needed a quiet tree filled yard to replace my country living. He knew that I would meet lovely neighbors who would become friends. He knew that the gazebo would provide a place of refuge, a welcoming spot in which to have long conversations with friends and family.
He knew that since I couldn’t have the sun garden I wanted, I would need to use the community garden and have the opportunity to invest in the people around there.
He knew what was best and He had (as He always does) a higher plan for me than I had planned for my self.
For without this ‘spot’ (there’s a funny Youtube video called ‘Neature Walk’ about ‘enjoying your spot’), I wouldn’t have the opportunity to meet my elderly neighbor, collect lilies from the people across the street, sip cool drinks with a friend and enjoy long conversations.
He knew….. what was best for me. And it was,,,, my forest.