For months, I was eagerly anticipating a visit to family run greenhouse just across the state border. I heard stories of its flower varieties, hot pepper options, and luxurious plants.
I excitedly watched their opening day updates on Facebook and perused the flower photos. This was it….the place where our garden dreams would be birthed. Excitedly, we drove there to peruse the options.
It looked a little picked over when we got there, but we weren’t daunted. However, upon asking the employee where the vegetables were, we were met clouds of disappointment. “Um, we don’t have much, there’s hardly any back there. This is the lowest we’ve been ever.”
There were no tomatoes, no peppers, only a few picked over vegetables. Turns out, people had bought plants, lost them in the sudden freeze, and then bought them again. This left no plants for those of us who had waited for warm weather to plant. Sadly, we turned around and drove back to town. Anxiously we visited Walmart and Menards, only to find them picked over with little left. Desperately, we drove to Lewis wondering…would we even have a garden?
Ahh, at last! The day was saved when we saw loads of tomato plants and herbs lining the shelves. Out of desperate relief, my husband bought loads of them. Thinking…”since there’s a run on them we must get as many as we can!”.
It wasn’t until later when we realized just how many we bought. 🙂 I started planting…and planting…and planting… and soon our tomato/pepper garden was just a tomato garden with a couple squeezed in pepper plants. Out of relief for finally finding some plants, he had overbought….reacted out of fear. We had a tomato forest! I figure we have 46 ish plants squeezed in. 🙂
Isn’t that what we do often? When we are afraid? Afraid of not being noticed, afraid of not having enough to eat, enough money, enough shoes, enough beauty, enough approval? Afraid of not being loved? Just afraid….we are not enough…..
Out of fear, we grab on to whatever we can get, what ever crumbs, brief glimpses, shadows of what we fear we lack. And even if we have enough, we still grab for more out of fear we may run out.
You see it in large and small ways… in people clutching to relationships though they know it’s unhealthy just because they “lack love”. Men chasing business plans as if chasing a dream of being ‘enough’. Women chasing this “revolutionary” beauty product (when will we run out of new varieties of mascara) or that “ground breaking” new fitness program to make them feel they are “enough”.
Don’t get me wrong, business, makeup and fitness are not wrong objectives, just when they are what you ‘need’ to be ‘enough’.
The same as my tendency to order too much food when I’m super hungry, because I’m afraid I won’t have ‘enough’. Afraid to give away hardly worn clothes, because I may ‘need it some day’.
Holding on tightly to any small note of appreciation because I fear I’m not ‘enough.” This fear of having ‘enough’ or being ‘enough’ can fill everything.
The Lord whispers gently….you are enough in me….I am enough for you. You don’t have to strive, you don’t have to run after that wisp of acceptance.
Come to me, my love for you is genuine, real, long-lasting, authentic….enough. You can rest. You can be.
“…my grace is sufficient for you and my power is made perfect in weakness”. 2 Cor. 12:9
Lord, you are enough. More than enough. Thank you for that reminder…in my tomato forest.