Love Talk


One of my New Year’s resolutions this year is to read more. While I’m in no shape to compete with all my favorite bloggers who write on how their goal finish multiple books a month, I’ve definitely read more this year than last year. And since one of my current life lessons is to be content with what God is doing in me rather than bemoaning I don’t have someone else’s gifts or spiritual calling, I’ll try simply be thankful for the books I’ve finished. To the record, I’ve finished five books thus far. Woohoo!

I’m one of those people who if I don’t write it down, I don’t remember. So this idea of blogging a book review is kinda selfish, as it serves the purpose of remembering what I read. 🙂 But it also can help others in deciding what books to read, or to simply get the cliff notes of a book and skip the reading part. Ha, ha!

Love Talk by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott is based on the premise that we each speak out of a specific top emotional safety need, and this need is our also our main fear. (I know that last sentence sounded confusing, I’ll try to explain)

1. Gaining control of time: A person whose main value is efficiency with time may always be worried about wasting it, utilizing time appropriately, efficiency, and completing tasks. Their biggest fear is in losing it or wasting it. In reading this, I realized my husband fits this perfectly! Frequent arguments….um, “discussions”….. are on ‘what’s the plan? When will you be ready? What time are we leaving? I need to get this done. How long will we be there?” etc.

2. Winning approval from others: This person wants to make sure everything is ok between people, doesn’t like to cause disruption, and needs to be reassured of worth and friendship.

3. Maintaining loyalty: This person sticks with the system, prefers predictability, and values commitment. They may be afraid of trying something new because they are so committed to the current plan.

4. Achieving Quality Standards: This person values excellence and strives for accomplishing great things. They fear making a wrong decision or not achieving excellence. They don’t care about wasting time or pleasing people or sticking to the plan, they just want to do the best possible job at what they are doing.

While all of us have a little of each need in us, we each lean a little more toward one area. Reading this book helped me understand my husband’s impatience as a value of using time wisely instead of a dislike of certain activities. If no one was like him, then nothing would get done. I am truly thankful for his value of time that pushes him to get the garage organized when I’m gone, to keep track of the rental properties while working a part time job, and to take good care of our family.
Have you guessed which one I am? 🙂 While I have a little of quality standards, and a little of the time, I think I’m part of the approval club. I’m always checking to make sure the hubby and I are “good”, and it takes me a bit to get fired up enough to say something to someone that may rock the boat. All of the needs are valuable ….in balance with each other.

To make this post readable instead writing a book…on a book. 🙂 I’ll try just jot what I learned from the book instead of explaining the rest. Then maybe you’ll still want to read it. 🙂

Do you tackle problems aggressively or passively?
I attack them passively which is carefully, considerately, avoiding conflict or wrong decisions. My hubby attacks them aggressively because he hates to waste time with the problem. His rush can lead to the wrong solutions or making it a bigger mess, while my deliberateness could lead to nothing happening to fix it. Together, they lead to careful quick solutions. (as long as we remember to do it together)

Do you influence with feelings or facts?
I do feelings and my husband does both. Facts are needed to keep the feelings in check. Typically, men analyze and women sympathize. Both are parts of being human.

Do you react with resistance or acceptance to change?
For us it depends on the type of change and the loyalty we have to the current plan.

Do you make a decision cautiously or spontaneously?
This depends on whether the decision is to get ice cream or to buy a house. 🙂

It boils down to understanding what the person is really saying and why they are saying it.

Ephesians talks about how we are one body with many members, with each member doing a different role. It’s hard to understand someone else’s role and giftings. My hubby is still going to get frustrated with me when I dilly-daddle, but together we can learn to be a team and work more efficiently. After all, being a team is what fulfills my emotional need. On that note, I should go get some work done before he gets home so that his need is met.

Until the next book…see ya then!